Motivation Monday: The Voice in Your Head Is Lying to You
Let's talk about something nobody really wants to talk about.
That voice in your head. The one that shows up uninvited and starts in on you before you even have a chance to defend yourself.
What if they actually hate you. What if everything good in your life was an accident and it is all about to fall away. What if you are not good enough. What if you never were.
Sound familiar?
Here is the thing. No one you could ever meet could get under your skin the way you can. You know your own doubts and insecurities better than anyone. And that voice knows exactly where to aim.
But it is lying to you. It has always been lying to you.
Where the Voice Comes From
That voice does not come from nowhere. It is built over time, shaped by experience, by the things that happened to you when you were too young to know how to fight back.
For me, getting bullied as a kid had a lot to do with it. I will not get into the details because some things are personal and some wounds do not need to be displayed to make a point. But I will tell you this. I can not always remember the specific things that were said. But I can still feel it. That gut feeling of not being good enough. Not being worthy.
That feeling stuck around a lot longer than it had any right to.
I still have a complicated relationship with how I see my own body. Years in the gym, and I still struggle with it. There is actually a joke I tell people that the harder you work in the gym the worse you think you look. And I know I am not the only one who feels that way. The voice does not always get quieter just because you are putting in the work. Sometimes it just finds a new angle.
But here is what I have learned. That voice is not the truth. It is just a habit your brain got into a long time ago. And habits can be broken.
The Empathy Paradox
Here is something I have noticed that still kind of blows my mind.
Some of the most empathetic, caring, generous people I know have an incredibly hard time being kind to themselves. And I absolutely include myself in that.
I care deeply about the people in my life. I would not hesitate for a second to defend someone I love if someone talked to them the way I sometimes talk to myself. That is not an exaggeration. And yet, when it comes to turning that same grace inward, it is like hitting a wall.
I think it comes down to this. With other people, you see their actions. You see who they are to the world. You see all the good and you judge them on that. But when it comes to yourself, you have full access to every doubt, every fear, every quiet failure that nobody else ever saw.
Nobody else knows the silent battle you fight in your own head. They just see you. And most of the time, what they see is so much better than what you see when you look in the mirror.
Sometimes you just wish you could see yourself through the eyes of the people that love you.
Nobody Has It Completely Figured Out
Before we go any further, let's clear something up.
That voice does not mean you are broken. It does not mean you are weak. It does not mean something is wrong with you that is not wrong with everyone else.
Everyone has it. Every single person. Maybe David Goggins has found a way to completely silence his, but that is approximately one person on the entire planet and he was a Navy SEAL. The rest of us are just human.
The goal is not to never hear the voice. The goal is to stop letting it drive.
How to Fight Back
Here is what I have learned about dealing with negative self talk.
First, you have to catch it. The spiral moves fast. One small thing goes wrong and within seconds your brain has turned it into proof that your entire life is falling apart. Learning to recognize when it is happening, catching it before it picks up speed, is the first and most important step.
When you catch it, stop it. Cut the thought off. Stand up inside your own head and refuse to let it keep going. It sounds simple and it is not easy, but it is possible. You have more control over your own thoughts than the voice wants you to believe.
But here is the part most people skip. If you just silence the negative thought and leave a blank space, that voice is going to spring right back. It does not give up easily.
You have to replace it with something. A positive anchor. Something real, something personal, something that actually means something to you. Not a generic motivational phrase. Something from your own life that reminds you of who you actually are.
I can not tell you what yours should be. I do not know your life. But I know that if you really sit with it, you will find it.
You Are Not Your Thoughts
The negative voice in your head is not a news broadcast. It is not reporting facts. It is a scared, small part of you that learned a long time ago that staying small felt safer than risking anything.
It is not the truth. It is just a habit. And you are allowed to build a better one.
The thoughts that tell you that you are not enough, not worthy, not capable of the things you want. Those are lies. Old lies that have been living rent free in your head for too long.
This One Is for You
If you are reading this and that voice has been particularly loud lately, I want to say something directly to you.
It is okay. It is okay to have these thoughts. You are not alone. Everyone, and I mean everyone, has them. You are not defective. You are not somehow less worthy of love than the people around you.
You are strong. Stronger than you realize. And I know you can get through this. It sucks. It really, genuinely sucks sometimes. Believe me, I know.
I can not take the weight of the world off your shoulders. But I can help carry it.
You are loved. And those negative thoughts are lying to you. You are worth so much more than that shitty voice in your head wants you to believe.
You are worthy of love and capable of extraordinary things.
We are the underdogs. We don't stay down, we bite back.
If you are struggling with your mental health, please know that you do not have to go through it alone. Reaching out to someone you trust is always a good first step. If you need additional support, the SAMHSA helpline is free, confidential, and available 24 hours a day at 1-800-662-4357.